Three layers of my personality

People say there are three forms of yourself. The Person your friend think you are . The person you think you are . And  the person you really are.

Being generally interested in personality, I love thinking about this and I always like to know what others think about me .

I also like to imagine these forms of myself as layers. Because they go increasingly close towards your soul.

But how do I look in these layers ? I added a fourth layer on how strangers perceive me !

First layer : I’m quiet and shy. I stay in the back and am not very dominant . I’m your classic wallflower . A bit insecure but still very tidy.

Second layer: I’m hard to impress but kind. I’m talkative and love deep conversations. I’m not very spontaneous and unsure sometimes. I don’t trust easily . I have most things under control.  I am self-confident.

Third layer: I’m scared of a lot of things. I trust easily and too fast sometimes. I choose my friends very careful but I get kind of clingy around them. I have a lot of thoughts. I’m trying to look self-confident but I am very insecure most of the time.

Fourth layer : I don’t know who I really am . Nobody does I guess. I know some things but they are just character traits .

How would others perceive you ?

All my love , J.

you see things , and you understand ( or not ) – introvert problems

I’m not a complicated person . Present me a task and I will complete it . Ask me for my opinion and I will give it to you , short and structured , but well chosen and thought about.

When I think about it , I am actually very easy to please. Get me into a quiet room  , a relaxed space  or a non-overcrowded place , take me on a walk , take me to the movies , draw with me or talk to me about what keeps you up at night  and I will happily spend time with you.

If you don’t,  if you consider  taking me to a loud , hectic and over-stimulating  location full of people that need a constant distraction , where small talk is the number one way of communication : you might have a hard time convincing me to join you.

I’m an introvert . And I enjoy seeing things no one else seems to care about or doesn’t even notice. Like when everybody is engaged in conversation and I’m the only one to realise  that my teacher needs help to carry her things . Or how I read people’s body language and expressions , just paying attention to the way they speak , it’s like reading a book to me.

I can, though , if I’m honest ,  be confusing from time to time .

First , I don’t get mad , I get away . I don’t believe that fighting will solve my problems , or yours , I’d rather have a calm and open talk , without exaggeration or offensive accusations.You might think I’m running away from my problems , but from my perspective, screaming at one another  will solve nothing and make everything worse.

Second , I don’t like thinking out loud , especially not about things that are new to me , or don’t yet make sense to me . I need a lot of time to understand theories without proof that are very complicated , maybe I’m simply not smart enough , but I’d rather spend hours doing research , than being called out and have nothing good to say . I simply need lots of time .

I don’t need constant reassurance because I have learned to trust myself and to trust in my own strength . I believe that it is, of course, a human trait to have the urge to constantly share information but with relying on yourself you gain nothing but independence and self-confidence . So if you like the hair messy, wear it messy , no need to ask anybody if it looks „okay“ , if you like it , do it.

And last but definitely not least : yes , I do have a plan , I always do . I do appreciate the advice of others, but oversharing from your point of view can drive me crazy and confuse me , so when I need help or advice, you will know it. Listen to me and support me , that’s the best you can do.

So , I may seem calm and boring for liking to be alone a lot and spending my friday night at home alone , and maybe I seem lost sometimes, but trust me , that inside of me there’s a whole universe of ideas floating around , a million plans and thoughts , movie quotes and song lyrics  and being alone , well ,  is simply what I like.

 

Love , J.

 

 

 

rant : friends and plans- horrors of an introvert

I don’t like to go out that much . I’m not a party girl that gets drunk . I value my own company before anyone else’s.

But sometimes I take it too far , sometimes I feel like I stay in too much , like I’m alone too much , even if it’s what makes me happiest. The white walls of my room have never felt like a cage to me , or a prison of my thoughts , my room is my safe space and my sanctuary , where I am myself , where I spend most of my time and am the most comfortable.

I need to take care of this, though . I don’t have a problem with staying home , but I have a problem with being anxious about going out .

I know myself like no one else does , and sometimes I get angry and frustrated and forget that others don’t read my thoughts . My mind plans every day  , by the hour , by how many pages I will read , how long I have to work out when I have to leave the house to not be late when it’s good to be a little late .

Plans are my anchor and my steering wheel. They guide me . They make sure I feel safe and protected  when I plan I feel like I actually have some kind of influence over my feelings and my life . But most of the people I know , they don’t seem to be as adapted and addicted and relying on plans as I do , which is why there are misunderstandings sometimes . And they leave me behind feeling terrible.

I love meeting with friends , and naturally ,I plan roughly . when they’ll arrive , what movie we will watch  , because my mind is trained to do so. And when I do so , I feel safe .

If there is any disturbance , a change that endangers my plan , I shut down . I get angry and frustrated because the moments I had imagined and seen in the near future don’t occur, unfortunately. It makes me so mad , and I remember why I like to stay alone with myself most of the time .

These feelings are no longer completely hidden , I make sure my friends know that it frustrates me , but not very clear.

The missing flexibility can be counted as a weakness ,  my weakness , but I also see weakness in others and try not be too mad at them, because most of the times , they don’t mean to be rude . I guess my friends aren’t always that reliable and well organised as I would like them to be , but that’s okay .

There’s always another  night to have a sleepover , another day to meet up , stressing about it and being angry isn’t always worth it , but it’s something to work on .

 

Introvertism is a strenght?

Hello everybody , yes I am alive .

I feel pretty sad for not putting up any content in the last few weeks , but I’ve been putting school and my grades first (except for my health ofc) for that time .

Today is my last exam and after a very important and successful day yesterday ,suddenly all of the stress is falling off me , leaving me without the energy of adrenaline and fear . So when I woke up feeling exhausted , I decided to give myself a few more hours of sleep and go to school later , to take my exam.

What I want to talk about today is introvertism . If you aren’t familiar with the terms introvertism or extrovertism : Both are terms to categorise your personality. Introverts are usually thinkers , they like to spend time alone and get their energy from spending time with themselves. Extroverts are the opposite , they are talkers and like being in a crowd of people , therefore get energy from spending time with others , in a nutshell.

Everybody is born extrovert and introvert , we all carry extrovert and introvert traits , but it is also common to be dominant in one element . In my case it is introvertism. When I discovered the term, it immediately made sense to me , and over time this hasnÄt changed a bit .

I love spending time alone , it doesn’t mean I feel lonely , it makes me very happy. Even though my mum doesn’t agree with it , my perfect day usually consists of watching movies or videos, reading a good book , getting some school work done such as learning and understanding something new , working out , going for a walk , and maybe talking to a trusty person on the phone .

Now , being an introvert doesn’t mean I naturally hate people , in fact ,I love people , I love to spend some quality time , to go on trips, meet for tea, and have a good talk. But I have come to realise , that when I am forced to spend time with man people for a longer period of time , like on my class trip to Paris , with shared bedrooms and walking in a group of people all day , it absolutely drained the energy out of me .

Another time I’ve experienced the effects introvertism was  in class when we talked about the class test we had written and the teacher asked me for the solution on one aspect and I just didn’t know how to answer properly , due to my weak talking skills. I just work better when I have time to think about my response , that’s why my written grades are usually better than my oral ones.

Sometimes indeed , I feel like being an introvert , or better the lack of extrovert traits is a weakness , outside my room , in school or in public , I often feel overwhelmed by the stimulation of my senses . I like to be prepared , I can’t go anywhere without knowing what , where and how things will develop. Indeed I am not a very spontaneous person , it makes me very stressed to be unaware of what’s going on , I always need to have a plan . But is that purely a weakness?

Well , it depends on the situation. But for most of the time , I see it as a strength rather than a weakness. I can understand when people like to stay distant because being a friend of mine can be very frustrating as I get intimidated very quickly and always ned to know what’s going on. But I’m a great listener , and I pay very close attention to how my friends are feeling and never try to cling myself to them or hurt them through my carefully chosen  words. I find my best friends to be people that are independent and don’t want to spend every single minute with me . I don’t want to get close with people that I do small talk with , I suck at small talk ,and I don’t really see the point in it. The best friends

The best friends I have , when we don’t see each other for a few weeks , it doesn’t matter , because we don’t loose each other . We usually have the perfect balance between talking and listening and things just flow. It doesn’t work out like that with every friend I have, when they get too close , I often get frightened and am distant from them for a while .

So there it is, always two sides to one story. At the end, though  I am usually comfortable to be an introvert , not like I could or want to change anything.

What are things you love about extrovertism or introvertism ? I would love to read your opinion . I hope you have a wonderful day , and if not I hope that everything will turn out okay .

Love , J.