Monkey Mind

Your favourite dramatic 2016 review post.

Hey loves, I hope you’re all doing well.

Instead of bashing about how terrible this year has been politically and further on, I would like to talk about my year and what I have learned.

This monkey mind of mine is currently jumping around like crazy with all those reviews, throwbacks and resolutions blowing up on new years eve, but I’ve decided to simply talk and think about it because that’s what helps me most when dealing with overthinking.

Now: Get ready for some lists.

What are some great things that I did this year?

  1. I learned a lot about myself this year. I started to be more conscious about myself and the things I do like. I have become more eloquent if I might say so, mostly because we get pushed to adapt and improve in school so that I’ve remarked especially in the last few months. I also started to learn how to defocus of myself, from my negative mind.
  2. I started doing things that made me happy and cut toxic people out of my life, or at least lowered their value on the perception of my self-confidence.
  3. Like every year I went on vacation to France with my family and had a magnificent time as always.
  4. I went to Paris on a class trip and got the chance to explore a global city with my best friends for five days.
  5. I expanded my knowledge about veganism and sustainable living. I also started eating more vegan junk food as it has become more and more available here in Germany.
  6. I finished my second last school year with awarding on my report card. ( I didn’t get straight A’s of course but it was good enough for a small awarding)
  7. I bought a lot of plants because they make me really happy and even though one or two died most of them are doing well so far.
  8. I bought myself a good camera to take nice pictures because first of all it’s fun and it captures so many memories that I could forget about.
  9. I watched 7 seasons of Gilmore Girls in 3 months during exam time #noregrets

 

What are some things that I have learned this year?

( And when I say learned I also mean experienced because we learn stuff all the time, but we don’t experience everything )

  1. The law of attraction. Your thoughts, they control everything. So you might as well think positively and kindly, there are no negative benefits to that.
  2. The comfort zone is a beautiful thing, it really is. But you only see what you are really capable of when you leave it. And you will grow when you let yourself be uncomfortable.
  3.  Friends are the family you choose, so choose well. This year more than probably any year I’ve experienced what true friendship is like. It’s not one thing, not one emotion, it’s different with everybody. It’s being able to have extraordinary conversations, to be understood perfectly, to work things out despite the differences, it’s balance and consistency, and most of all it’s communication , honesty and loyalty. and
  4. Don’t take yourself too serious, don’t take anybody and anything too serious. Some things just happen for whatever reason, some days you’ll be feeling like a trash can wanting to cry all day, some people are just completely ignorant, but it doesn’t matter. Sometimes it’s better to take a chill pill and save your energy.
  5. Regression to the mean: things will get better, and they will get worse, that’s just how it goes. You can strive for balance for all you want but life always finds its way to throw inconvenient things at you or make everything make sense all of the sudden. How I see it, it certainly can be comforting to believe that at the end good and bad will be even.
  6. Teachers aren’t as bad as you thought they were. They’re just people. Also: You simply didn’t like them earlier because you can’t have a proper discussion with a 15-year-old. But as you get older they start to take you more seriously when they realise it’s possible to talk properly to you.
  7. Working out makes you healthier and happier so do it. I know you don’t want to do it but deep inside you know it’s the best for you. Also: school sports sucks. without exceptions.
  8. Food and sleep are too good to be deprived of. Take that, 14 years old me.
  9. I learned lots of psychological hacks and tricks about reading people’s body language. And it’s really really cool.

 

In term of new years resolutions, I can only speak of the things I am sure to be happening. I’m going to finish school and until then I’ll just try to enjoy my time even though it’s going to be very stressful.

As the future is currently knocking on my door more or less, keep my eyes open for a career I might be interested in or simply find something I likes doing.

And finally: I just want to be happy. Do more things that make me and others happy. Because at the end of the day , january first is just a day as any other and years have never been a true measuring tool , it’s been people, songs and music.

all my love , J.

 

 

Werbeanzeigen

An ode to solitude and self-pity

Sometimes , when I need it , I take pity on myself.

Just a little bit .  And there’s nothing wrong with that.

And I can only encourage you to do the same.

Not to the point of drowning yourself in it , but valuing your feelings.

 

For me , it’s accepting that I feel a lot . I get emotionally involved in the tiniest of affairs . And the worst thing is , that I am more than conscious about it.

I have started to surround myself with people that don’t disturb me , and I have become very selectively social. So the people I spend time with are the one’s I deeply cherish and have a clear interest to talk to.

But not all conversations and situations are in our control , so when bad things occur , a rude conversation , an uncomfortable situation , my mind starts running wild . Thinking : was this my fault ? Should I have reacted differently ?

My body is overwhelmed by my emotions and from time to time I wish I didn’t feel that much  because often I feel as if it is too much .

Do you ever feel so confused , angry , disappointed , jumping to conclusions , mind racing , with your heart beat rising , feeling so much at once it becomes hard to breathe , to think ?

I try to avoid these situations  if I can. Sometimes they are, though , necessary for my personal growth and it’s possible that I stand there with my hands shaking  stomach hurting , stuttering loudly but doing what I have to do because I know I can , and that it will be over .

Sometimes I hate myself for it . I wish I had it easier. I wish I wouldn’t have to do breathing exercises so that I can go to bed , do positive mantras and visualisation , in general ,taking so much care of my mental state hoping it will make me more confident .

But then I know I’m not the only one getting anxiety , being scared or shy .

My best tip to conquer is to focus .

The best way out is always through.

Manifesto for kindness

The law of attraction says that you attract the energy that  you put into the world. Your thoughts , your words and your actions. Everything is connected and therefore your life reflects you and your energy.

I need to get my shit together , so here’s what energy I want to put out there .

Manifesto for kindness 

I am kind to myself and to the world.

I am grateful for every challenge and every impediment in my life  , for every moment is a place of growth .

I allow myself to be weak and to be strong  , to be too much and just enough.

I embrace my weaknesses and my imperfections.

I have an open heart and a clear mind .

I am learning every day . I make mistakes and I fail , and that’s alright.

I am worthy and precious.

I  support my friends and accept their choices.

I stay focused on my aspirations and my priorities.

I am good enough , always.

I am full of love and full of energy I want to use for my growth.

 

I’m just a sucker for plan(t)s.

Hello , I stayed home today . It’s Tuesday and I felt like shit . Now , after lots of sleep , a delicious lazy breakfast in bed and 2 hours of researching animal sanctuaries and cute room decor I feel better .

Right now , I am at the point where going to  school doesn’t feel like fun anymore , even though I really did look forward to it . There are other things, of course, going wrong , I have lost interest in many things such as food and working out , painting and such , but instead of continuing to feel so sorry for myself  I want to focus on getting better .

So here are a few self-recommendations for myself as it is proven , that writing down your plans actually increases the possibility of getting them done .

  1. Stay focused and concentrate on your main goals . I want to focus on the big picture and what I want to reach instead of disliking and taunting myself for what I don’t want. Also keep in mind that life isn’t always happy and full of sunshine , sometimes you just have to keep fighting and fixing some priorities ( in my case : health , happiness and school )
  2. Stop doubting yourself and quit constantly comparing yourself to others. A lot of times I have too high expectations for myself and that only makes me feel anxious and insecure . Staying realistic and focusing on just getting done what I can and want , so that I don’t lash out and aim too high and too perfectionistic.
  3. Keep going out and seeing new things , it’s good for you. Now , if I’m honest , I generally  dislike spending money and going out , but if it’s beneficial for me and my mental or physical health I’m moderately okay with it . Just this weekend I went out with a friend and had such a great day full of new experiences . I should get more of that.
  4. Consistency is key. Keep up school work , because you know you can be good at it. And you know that you love learning and understanding new things . It may take me  a little longer than others and i have to get help from time to time , but as long as I am happy with the results , I see no problem . I should just watch my anxiety levels from time to time and look after myself when stuff gets too much  , then I should be good.
  5. Look forward to the future . Yes , school sucks a lot sometimes , but this is your LAST year and you are doing this so that you can be independent afterwards. I still don’t have any certain plans , but contributing something to animal protection and wellbeing in a sanctuary would be a good start I believe , but yes , just keep looking until I find something fitting.

Btw , I also want to buy more plants , just because they make me very happy . Talk about contradictions.

Do you have any plans for the near future ? I’d love to hear about them!

With love , J.

An autumn bucket list – things to love in fall

Hello loves ,

after a few last days of summer heat , I can finally say , that autumn has arrived and started to make its first appearances . It’s the crisp and clear morning air , the smell of fallen  leaves , the colours of the trees , the view of misty evening woods and hours filled with gloomy golden sunlight I have missed so much . There is so much to do now and

There is so much to do now and undoubtedly I am thrilled to relive the annual autumn magic . Everything around me seems enchanted and my heart is filled with happiness . Now , let me tell you about all the stereotypical white girl favourites:

  1. Halloween. For a few years now Halloween has had the tradition of each family member inviting close friends and throwing a little feast , including spooky walks and dressing up . As I got more interested in witchcraft and being spiritual I look forward a lot to this day , making lots of tasty food and dressing really dark.
  2. Pumpkins . Do I even have to talk about this , not only am I a big lover of pumpkin soup , I also believe that they look so magnificent and are a must have in my room around fall season . Isn’t it great that nature can do such cute little things ?
  3. Cosy evenings. I love fall because I don’t feel the pressure to go outside as much as I do in summer , especially in summer. Of course, I don’t give a damn , but it seems so much more socially acceptable to stay in when the weather is cold and rainy. Win win for introverts , am I right ? Whether it’s reading , watching movies and series , being creative or simply studying , the atmosphere on a dark rainy day is my favourite to be around. Oh and fun fact : I actually enjoy leaving the house more in autumn, than I do in summer , but I honestly don’t know why .
  4. Hot food and drinks. Warm beds . Fluffy Jumpers. Warmth. There is this feeling when you realise that you are feeling cold , and  you pull over a soft jumper , get a cup of tea and cuddle under your covers . If I had to describe what happiness feels like  , that would be  one of the moments. After a hot summer , we praise the cold , but after just a bit , we crave warmth again , weird isn’t it ?

Now that we’re through with that , let me present to you my bucket list :

  • go pumpkin shopping with my best friend
  • learn how to cook pumpkin and other pumpkin recipes
  • make a photo collection of all my favourite autumn moments
  • have a cosy sleepover with friends and talk
  • create your own Halloween recipes
  • watch the classical fall movies , hocus pocus , etc..
  • don’t give a heck when people about your obsession with autumn U DESERVE TO BE HAPPY DAMN IT

I’m sure this is not the last autumn post . It has only just begun.

I hope you have an amazing autumn , and if you hate autumn that you still have a good time.

With love , J.

Realistic summer plans ..? Check?

Hey loves ,

I am currently sitting in bed , listening to an autumn playlist , under warm covers , a candle lit beneath my bed and it would feel even more like summer if it weren’t 30 degrees outside , but what can I say , for me ,autumn can’t come soon enough.

Today I want to address my summer bucket list I wrote a good 2 months ago and see how well I did this year. Ready ?

1.Take care of a dog for a week . Live alone in a house and grow the shit up. Be responsible for another being   , trying not to kill or loose him.

Yes ! And if you read my post about that week , you know how much I learned from it . It was a week full of ups and downs but in the end, I was glad that I did it !

2.Watch all four seasons of  Orange is the new Black, my latest obsession.
I did , and it left me behind full of excitement for more , even though I didn’t like the fourth season as much as the previous ones . I also watched the second season of reign , two seasons of the Mentalist and many documentaries . Man did I have a good time !

3.Go to the planetarium .

Check ! On one sunny Wednesday afternoon, an old friend of mine took the train and watched the stars , learned about their birth and death and got lost in the beauty , definitely one of my favourite memories from this summer !

4.Go to a vegan meet up .

One that took a lot of courage but turned out amazing ! A new friend , her dog and I had a beautiful day surrounded by like minded  people and some delicious vegan food ( cake , lots of cake).

5.Buy a shit tonne of cacti and succulents.

Yes ! In total , I got 4 new plants and for now ,they have all survived . They all make me so happy and I feel good taking care of them and to see them thriving , watering them and checking on them makes me feel kind of mature. 6.DIY the hell out of my old stuff.

6.DIY the hell out of my old stuff.

If by DIY , using your closet as the storage room , rearranging everything and decorating with old stuff is meant , then yes . I was very creative with a watercolor drawing too, though.

7.Reorganise my school utensils. Buy new folders to be prepared for next year.

Yes ! I did this very late , but when I finally got it done I felt very relieved. It was a strange experience, though , as the moment I touched the old  folders , my hands started to shake and my legs felt very weak . CreepyTake trips to cities and explores them with friends.

8.Take trips to cities and explore them with friends.

More and less , but more than less. I didn’t go out too much but definitely got out of my comfort zone a few times . It was little things like getting lost in a big city or taking a shopping trip but I got it all done !

9.Take pictures of the small things . Make a collection book.

I have many pictures but a collection book is yet to be made , at the moment other things demand my attention.

10.Have a sleepover in a tent in my garden with friends. Go inside if it’s too scary. Feel scared and learn not to be scared.

Unfortunately not . I did very little with my friends as most of the times they were on vacation . I got to celebrate the birthday of a very good friend though and just yesterday got to catch up with my best friend , who I hadn’t seen all summer.

11.Host a barbecue-party with people from school to celebrate my birthday , even if it was in may.

No . I honestly didn’t feel like it . Maybe next year , but being the centre of attention has never been one of my strengths.

12.Learn how to mix some really tasty cocktails. With and without alcohol, for the taste, not for the aftermath.

No ! There was no opportunity . The plan still remains ,though.

13.Bleach and dye my hair in a new colour . Even if I don’t like it .

Yes ! A few weeks ago I jumped over my shadow and changed my familiar and calm dark brown hair to a deep red/maroon colour. First I was pretty sceptical , but after a second dye I finally seem to grow fond of the colour and love it very much .

14.Get books from the library and read them , because I actually got time to read them.

I did go to the library and read some books , but they weren’t for the purpose of filling free time , they were school duty , or as I’d say preparation for a school assignment , so I’m not sure if I should consider this task as completed.

15.Devote one week to study maths , and prepare.

Hahahahha . No. I mean what was I thinking.

16.Get to know someone better I recently met.

Yes . Even if it was just one day ,it was a special day and I  loved every minute of it . It was the first time of us meeting outside of our familiar area , first time really talking and I enjoyed it so much talking to someone that like minded as I am .

17.Go out for dinner to my favourite restaurant.

I even went out to my two most favourite restaurants . Double trouble!

 

Alright that is it ! I hope you found it intresting to read this and I hope that you have had a beautiful summer yourself .

Much love , J.

Selflove-Saturday

Did you know that only 5% of women have the „ideal body type “ in the US ? What this world is lacking is the celebration and appreciation of diversity . Diversity in every way no matter if race, gender , body type , sexual orientation or religious beliefs.

You don’t need to look a certain way to be beautiful,  you define  beauty for yourself and you don’t owe it to anybody , not even yourself to fulfil any kind of expectation.

But it case you haven’t reached this level of self-admiration yet , here are some cute little reminders !

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Are you ever like : „Damn I hate my body“ but then you are like :“ Life is an illusion I’m floating around on a rock in a largely unknown universe where death is inescapable so who gives a shit “ ?

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This quote : “ As I began to love myself , I stopped craving for a different life , and I realised that everything that surrounded me , was inviting me to grow “

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Admire the beauty of others without questioning your own . Roses are beautiful…

 

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..but so are cats ..

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and late night skies , and they all look nothing alike !

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There are so many places you haven’t been to yet, to many songs you haven’t hear yet and so many fruits you haven’t tasted like . Why let yourself be defined by something as small as your legs , or your hips or the scars in your face ?