Self improvement plans

Guys , I’m back with the plans.

And I’m actually really excited . For the last 7-8 months my life has been challenging in many aspects . Living away from home especially and not having a clear path for the near future has kind of chanelled all my energy away from actually improving myself and has directed it towards „surviving“ and fighting to keep my standards up.

Now that I feel like I actually have a grip on my life once again , I feel like I can start working on being the version of myself I can be and taking care of myself , basically bringing myself to the next level.

Time frame : 4 months , as my au pair stay ends in may

  1. write more. As it turns out , writing has quite a few benefits for me . It helps me process events , it’s an amazing way to be mindful and practice gratitude, it’s also fun and makes it easier to lock down memories you write about. I’m not going to be in this position every again , with the people I’ve met in England and the life I’ve built here. Of course the memories will stay with me , but I know how treacherous our brains can be , so I’d like to write as much as possible about what I’m experiencing and learning during this time.
  2. Find a simple workout routine that works with my current busy routine. I know I won’t start doing hiit workouts 5 times per week , but I know how good physical activity makes me feel . Suggestions : a bit of yoga before bed , go for a run or walk , do some bodyweight exercises or a youtube workout .
  3. Take more pictures / work on my second au pair video. During the first 4 months in the uk I filmed a bunch of stuff and made a video out of it , which was a lot of fun and will definitely help me remember lots of stuff even if it was just me dancing in the kitchen or a few shots of London. I want to keep documenting what I’m experiencing so that I can relive it sometime , also my friends and family really enjoy seeing what I’m up to. So yeah , video number 2 and lots of pictures !
  4. If possible , go on a trip every weekend / go see a friend. Because if I don’t do it now , when will I get the chance again ?
  5. Call my grandparents more often. I promised to call every Sunday , so that they have something to look forwards to every week , but I forgot it last week. C’mon Nina.
  6. Keep my brain active. Learn a few more words in Latin or spanish. Keep on top of what’s happening in the world politically and economically. Watch more documentaries. READ MORE!!!

I guess that’s enough for now and to be honest , I really look forwards to start with these !

 

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Oh , Nina.

Sure Nina , keep pretending that the problem is going to fix itself.

Keep filling your stomach with cold water and coffee , then wonder why you’re so cold , why you cry so much and why everything is so hard.

I know you didn’t choose this. I know it’s a coping mechanism. I know you’re trying to be kind to yourself .

you’re gonna be okay , and hopefully sooner than later the automatics of eating will return . Its going to feel like you never stopped.

Please , remember .

250 calories is not a life .

You are better than this.

Premature heartbreak.

I look at you with love pumping through my veins and think , oh dear , I’m going to write so much poetry about you .

You will cause me so much growth , and pain and suffering . You don’t let me be in love with you.  You try to protect us from a romance with an expiration date.

I guess , this heart break will be premature.  It will split my DNA piece by piece wondering where I gave you the power to hurt me this much .

At least , we are hurting in honesty .

07.01.2018

“ There’s nothing more beautiful than to have someone truly  care about you “ says my grandfather on the phone , “ and to grow old together “ adds my grandmother in the background. They’ve been married for over 60 years .

I shiver and wonder if that’s what love is. Wanting to grow old together.