Panic attacks and where to find them pt2

You don’t exclusively find them in England , but mostly.

The last 48 hours have been and are probably the hardest time I’ve evern had , and the biggest challenge I have taken on.

I’m in England, as au pair to a small french family of the Mom and three boys,

It’s rough. I have never been this anxious , homesick , nauseous, scared and panicked  at the same time. I am okay at the moment , but it comes and goes.

The host mom is nice , kind , strict with the boys but I know she cares and tries her best to make me feel welcome . Cooks me vegan food even though she’s very busy. I haven’t talked much to her yet. But I want to as it might help cope with everything.

The boys can be the sweetest and they can be hell. They are loud , demand a lot of attention and don’t listen most of the time. They haven‘ been rude or terribly impolite , just annoying .

The cat is wonderful  , she’s my ally and makes everything better.She’s a little calm bundle of fluff. Her calmness helps so much.

I have been feeling the love of my friends and family more than ever before. I keep them updated on how I am. My mom was so worried.

My panic attacks are frequent and sometimes it feels like I’m going to die if I stay any longer.

I’ve talked to a lot of people that went abroad like me. They all felt very similar. It gives me hope , because it makes me scared to figure everything out. Food , kids , laundry , school , etc. I felt like quitting a lot. I felt like I would become very sick if I stay. But it’s only my third day and I’m not ready to give up.

I want to give this a real shot , get comfortable with being uncomfortable. I don’t regret this. I am growing. I am fighting. I am trying .

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