panic attacks and where to find them

England . You find them in England. In the head of an overwhelmed stranger.

But first let me introduce you to the backstory. As I’m graduating from school this year I need something new to do . I applied as au pair and am currently visiting a french family of 3 boys .

Getting onto the island was one thing . Being here another . I was nothing but terrified of flying , not the flying part in particularly but the controls , the people , the process which eventually all turned out perfectly fine .

The house I’m staying in isn’t too big but I have my own room with a window which I like very much . We have an old dog and a cute cat which slept in my bed every night since I arrived . I’m being cared for with food and drinks , Internet and company.

The kids are loud , fight and cry a lot . The mom screams with them but she’s a superhero and I admire her a lot for managing this . She deserves someone that supports her .


On my first night I had my first panic attack. I fell asleep cuddled into my class jumper and the sound of a cat cleaning her fur . It calmed me down.

On the first morning I had my second panic attack. I called my sister and almost started crying. I didn’t know why . Maybe it was homesickness , being on my own , independent and a little overwhelmed and not capable of managing this on my own. I doubted myself strongly.

Today is day 3 and I feel better after a long sleep , me time and a few hours with the family. New is hard and I always have a hard time adjusting.

I’m not going to make a decision whether to stay here permanently in the future while I’m here. I miss the perfect order back home .

What helped me a lot through these two rough days was the cat , brushing my teeth , a phone charger and sleep. Each of them helped me to calm down and feel secure .