I have never been diagnosed , never been to a doctor to test my mental condition , I guess my parents always had bigger problems . Three children, one diagnosed with ADHS , one struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts , and then there is me .
Girl , 17 , student . Struggling with her body image , recovered from self-harm and anorexia , always overplanning , panic attacks linked with clothing , very self-critical , and so much more , but it seems like I have never been bad enough to be diagnosed .
After my own research, I could conclude this by saying :“ I have agoraphobia and body dysmorphia „, but I can’t , so I can only say how I feel . For a long time now , I have been feeling like there is something wrong with me , and I feel lost and confused not knowing if it’s true or not .
When I told my sister a few days how I felt for a while now she mentioned agoraphobia (Definition :“Agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder characterised by anxiety symptoms in reaction to situations where the sufferer perceives the environment to be dangerous, uncomfortable, or unsafe.“)
And it just felt like it all made sense suddenly. It would explain why I get so anxious about taking the bus alone when I never missed a bus in my life , neither did I have a bad experience with taking public transportation . It would explain why I feel sick to my stomach , really nauseous and in panic before going out for dinner with my family . Why I get overwhelmed by worry when not having planned every single detail of a trip .
Body dysmorphia ( Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) is an anxiety disorder that causes a person to have a distorted view of how they look and to spend a lot of time worrying about their appearance.) feels like another disorder I might be partly affected by , all of my life it hasn’t just been low self-esteem , it has been obsession and doubt , depressive episodes from time to time and only now I begin to see how much I am influenced and limited by my fears .
My fears make me stay home all day, every day because I am scared of being uncomfortable and without control , it is very hard to explain it to people , because they tell me that tomorrow will be better and that they are here for me ( which I honestly appreciate so much ) but they can’t help me . I have difficulties making people see how I feel when I can’t even explain it properly myself .
As always , I will talk about this with my therapist soon hopefully , and have a clearer view and like usually , have a plan for the future..