Short story

31.12.2015

Like every morning the atmosphere was calm when she woke up . The room was still dark , when she opened her eyes , not in a frightful and cold way , but in a sleepy and monotone way and when she got out of bed to look outside the window ,the woods next to her house were hidden under a layer of fog . “ No wonder “ she thought to herself , running her hands over her tired eyes , “ the world cares as much about the new year as I do“.

A small noise made her turn around , to see a tiny black creature slip into her room and jump onto her bed . Like she had done it a thousand times she walked over to sit down and run her fingers through its soft black fur  , tracing small circles while the cat continued to rest on her stomach .

Still hearing the almost silent purring of the cat, resting her small head on her arm , her eyes glanced through her room . Bright colors from the sticky notes she had collected  caught her eyes first , but all she could think of were the countless lists of things to do they had written .Bright pink and lemon yellow didn’t seem appropriate on such a day like this .

She had forgotten to put down the poster of all the things she had wanted to this summer , adventures was what they mirrored , yet what her summer had been all about was soaking up the sunshine in her garden and seeing as many movies as she could on her laptop at night.

She twirled the hair that had fallen out of her ponytail in her finger . Why was everybody always making such a fuzz about new beginnings ? What would be different the clock would counts 00:01 except the number on the calendar ? A few days ago , she had written down what she wanted to do next year , what she wanted to change but at this exact moment it seemed ridiculous to give your plans a deadline in some kind of way .

There would be no clean cut , no sudden awakening , no obvious change . Everything would continue the same way it was  , until well something would happen that was going to transform a life . When we look back , do we really divide everything after what year it was ? Or is it the job we had , the people we were seeing the way we were handling things .

It did seem like everything else determined the past except the date , so why does everybody care so much about this one day the clocks go back to zero like every day ? Maybe its because people have learned to live with our perception of time. Hours , days , months , isn’t it all made by humans ?

Maybe we should start to live more after our own clock and not run after a date , forcing ourselves to decide on one day what the next year should be like .

When she made her plans for this years summer , she got so caught up in it , that during summer she could think about nothing else then if it would be perfect if she looked back on it .

The cat was now sleeping calmly on her chest and she felt nothing special , it felt like just another day .

 

Hey guys , this is my first short story  . Let me know what you think about it , any kind of criticism is more than welcome , also happy new year 😉

Werbeanzeigen

Last years new years resolutions

I don’t even remember when I wrote this but I found a list of last years new years resolutions and I thought , this is a thing right ? Checking if you did something right this year ? I mean if I accomplished the things I thought would be important

So here we go!

My goals and resolutions for 2015

I will be healthier stronger and happier than I have been before . I will be fierce and determinant and I will not give up on my dreams . ( What dreams lol , I feel like I didn’t have any )

Fitness and health goals :
1. Reach my dream body ( First of all define your dream body , and no I didn’t reach this goal but I feel alright with myself)

2. Keep my clean and healthy eating habits ( Ummmm well I would say yes , at least I still care about my health but I indulge from time to time ,it’s all about balance right ?)

3. Work out everyday and become stronger ( I have this plan year after year and no I didn’t work out everyday I worked out when I felt like working out )

4. Drink more water to stay hydrated ( I DID , I REALLY DID )
5. Have an organized daily life ( school / sleep / friends etc.) ( I do , yet I feel like my life is too organized at the moment , and I wish I could live more spontaneously) 

Lifestyle goals
1. Keep drawing and express myself ( I still draw from time to time so yass tis is a-ccomplished)

2. Start to appreciate more of what I have ( Sadly I don’t feel like I do , but I am working on it , to complain less )

3. Read more classic books ( I can say for sure that I read more than I did last year but I  still haven’t read enough . So yes I read more , but still not enough)

4. Travel and explore more to see the beauty of the world ( I did and I had so many beautiful adventures, I went to france , brussels and berlin )

5. Become more confident and self controlled ( Yes and no , meh I don’t know , I think I am a little more confident and self controlled , maybe)

Other goals
1. Brush my teeth more often ( I did)
2. Find out what I want to do in life ( I absolutely didn’t) 

 

A few things I want to learn in 2016 is  how to be more eloquent and fluent , I want to be able to speak well and finally win a discussion calmly .

Travelling is still on the top of my list I will visit france again , spend two weeks by the sea in the sunshine and I will visit Paris with my class.

I guess that’s enough rambling for one day . See you soon !

Glitch in the Matrix

I am completely clueless about why I feel the way I do at the moment , it might be due to the ending year , we get caught up in the past , we get emotional when we remember all that had has taken place in the last year .

Or maybe it is because of the 2 and a half weeks I can spent away from school , far from pressure and work. I feel like I have been living in an underwater world for the past few months and now I reach the surface to realize what’s actually there .

I find myself trapped in my own thoughts , wanting clearness and sturcture , I am confused about who I want to be and it makes me feel miserable .

Because I am used to working towards a goal , an exam or  a certain day but when I don’t have a clear aim everything appears to be so uttterly vain . I get comfortable too quick when I’m not scared of failing but then my motivation meets no path.  I simply stand in my own way , as I am used to work only as much as I have to to save my energy.

Currently I am terrified of not knowing who I want to , there is no ambition left to guide me and I miss it so bad . I find myself being so jealous of other people because they seem to have it all figured out.  But I’m hopeful that I will feel better soon.

I have had an amazing year and I learned a lot about this world , these last days I have been thinking to much about life and the past its getting scary .

Here are a few things I have learned :

you shouldn’t have to force anybody into a relationships , wether its friends or lovers . If it’s too one sided and one gives so much but gets nothing it’s not worth fighting for.

always always remember that nothing except change is permanent . If you are in a bad place right now it will change

other people have other priorities . We can’t always understand what others do because we don’t stand in their footsteps . Accept and be accepted.

kindness really matters.  It can bring you so far and it’s free ! So be nice , to your friends your family your classmates your body (especially your body )

Treat yourself, and by that I don’t only mean eat so much junk food you can’t move anymore . So much depends on your body so why don’t you have a glass of water and some fruit and a nice workout and lots of sleep ?

You don’t owe anybody pretty.  Don’t even yourself ! If you want to run around in sweatpants and greasy hair without makeup on do it ! Its your decision and it matters , nobody else’s business

Face your fears even if it seems impossible. Overcoming a fear wont always be like “ I’m going to jump da cliff now “ it might be wearing those jeans even though they trigger a panic attack . Or standing in front of the class day after day with your voice shaking because one day you will get it right !

I could keep talking forever but I need to sleep so I’m ready for tomorrow to kick some ass . What I want to do : EAT NICE AND HEALTHY // STRETCH// GET SWEAT ON // DO A GREYS ANATOMY MARATHON !! AND DRINK LOTS OF WATER 🌏.

I hope you are well 💕

 

 

Tempted to complain

Hey everybody , I hope you are all having a wonderful time 💛

Today I would like to list a few things I love  or that I am grateful for , because I have been feeling really sick stressed and negative. I want you and me to remember that despite all the bad things in your life , there are always nice things around that we kind of just forget , as we are so focused on the bad .

1.) These days , when you can sleep in and still stay in bed basically all day , when you get some breakfast and just spend your time reading or watching movies and everything is so calm .

2.) Conditioner or hair masks that make your hair super soft . NO knots or lumps and you just kind of feel like a magical mermaid floating through space .

3.) Waking up and everything is white because it’s been snowing the night before . It always makes me feel so nostalgic , and I don’t even know why . Sadly it almost never snows in Germany , but that makes snow so special I guess

4.) The moment you realize you don’t have to study anymore and all of your exams are done for some time. ( I can’t wait for that moment )

5.) Getting rewarded for something you worked really hard for , in my case exams . It just feels wonderful to succeed at something , and it kind of makes me feel like I got some kind of control

6.) Teaching yourself something new , learning a new skill . Feeling independent . Finding joy in learning , because I loose it too often .

7.) Caring for somebody or something . I love taking care of things , I love watering my plants , feeding my pets . I love cooking for people or making them feel better .

8.) The moment you remember , you made some tea some time ago and when you run around looking for it , and you find it , it’s still warm . 🍵

9.) Being away from home and travelling . It might be on a trip or vacation , but isn’t it just great to explore . Seeing new places and just taking all that in .

10.) Having the perfect plan for something  , or thinking it is perfect , feeling in control again .

 

And of course deserts , cats ,waterfalls , sweet potatoes , cacti , movie nights , fairy lights, and rhymes .

I will hopefully speak to you soon , with love